By Lacresha Hayes

Allow me the space to say this. I have never before felt so helpless as when I couldn’t remember anything, could barely see, couldn’t walk or speak well, was seeing and hearing things that were not there and couldn’t control my own head from bobbing around. I came two steps from being admitted into a mental hospital. I’ve been to some very low places, but GOD rescues me every time.

Right now as I type, my head is bobbing back and forth and with all the strength in me, I’m trying to control it, trying to make my eyes clear up, trying to force myself to respond to things normally but I cannot do it by will power alone.

So, I’m yielding to GOD and knowing full well that there is a reason even for this. I was so low while I was in the hospital this time that I began to ask God who I’d wronged so much that my whole life has been spent suffering through one thing and then another. I found myself repenting for everything I could remember doing and stuff I might have done inadvertently.

But after all those tears, I realized something. We can’t judge anyone’s obedience to God by their suffering. In fact, many times suffering in the eyesight of God is a treasure. I have spent so much of my time wailing over my fate in life: no father, mother mostly gone, mother on drugs, grandmother an alcoholic and illiterate, perversion in my family so that I was always an outcast, dating old men when I wasn’t even a teenager yet so that I could pay bills, having two sons before I finished junior high, one of them dying, being battered before I was grown up, etc, etc. I spent so much time hating my life and hating all the pain I’d endured that I didn’t realize the person it was making me into.

And so now with one more struggle to overcome, I lift my eyes unto the hills from whence cometh my help. ALL my help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. I don’t know anyone else like me and I’m glad, glad, glad that God chose me to make into this tough little piece of carpentry that cannot be undone by a few hardships.

No, no, no! I’ve been down through that place called “there” and I’m still hanging on to GOD. Not perfectly by any means, but I’m hanging. I know HIM and HE knows me and we are an item that nothing on this side or the other side of creation can ever divide. If I never get my sight back, my gait back, control of my body back, if I never see millions and never have more children, AMEN and SO BE IT because HE is enough for me!

Source: Blog P3

 

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